10 Golden Rules to be with him

Rule #1: Make sure that between the two of you, there is at least one language in which you are both fluent and trust me, this is very important.

Previously, I was not able to communicate with my partner (who was then my friend). He barely understands me especially when I try to explain situations to him which matters a lot to me. It gets me really frustrated and thought that the barrier to us starting a relationship is the language! However, fortunately, he has picked up English language sooner than I have realized. Therefore, if language is a barrier, then you will be in for a very hard, if not impossible, road through life. Good Luck if you still wanna give it a go!

Rule #2: We're talking about reality, not fairytale.

Do not assume that the other person will change significantly just because of the relationship or because of your charming influence. When you start to expect change, then you start to get into big trouble. The best thing you can do for each other is to acknowledge the fact that conflicts will occur and will often occur for the simplest and most unexpected reasons. That said, it should be quite obvious that you will want to find out as much as you possibly can about your potential partner and his or her lifestyle. Once you are together, you will definitely be demanding more than he used to give you. But do not go over the line as this is going to kill your relationship!


Rule #3: Do not assume anything.

Even in Law, if you assume too much in your coursework, you're gonna fail! Thus, make sure you discuss with your partner every aspect of your future life together. The fact that something is 'not important' may be a signal that one or both of you are making an assumption about the way some aspect of life will turn out based on your own past experience. Well, you might as well toss that 'past experience' right out the window because your partner and you, by definition, do not share the same past or the same experience.


Rule #4: If your partner refuses to discuss a subject openly, treat that as a big red flag and find out why.

If you're prepared to cheerfully accept whatever ideas or beliefs your partner may consider most important, then good for you but if you CAN'T, I'd suggest you at least find out what those beliefs are before jumping into a permanent relationship with that person. And I'm not talking only about religious beliefs (which may be important in their own right) but also beliefs about how life should be lived. Do not discuss over lunch or dinner though, otherwise one of you is gonna end up footing the bill of two.

Rule #5: Well, make it a point to talk about some tough topics (like money, raising children, where to live, etc.) before making those wedding arrangements.

Start an argument or two as this kind of argument or topics will be discussed sooner or later. Find out what it's like to fight by your partner's rules. No amount of love or respect is going to keep your ship from hitting the icebergs of life. You might as well know whether you will be able to work together toward a solution when the inevitable crisis comes up. If you can't even manage your financial to have a future together, better think twice before starting out on a project.


Rule #6: Don't assume that your interest in your partner's culture will last, or that it will somehow prevent conflicts from occurring.
Never underestimate the depth of the roots of your own upbringing. Some people will say "it's possible to change (given enough time and enough effort)". But no matter how deep you dig, you will always be you. Your beliefs, your emotions, your priorities, in short, your whole approach to life, are shaped by the culture in which you were brought up.



Rule #7: Examine your own motives. It's similar to when you accept the diamond ring. Is it true love or the size of the diamond?
Thus, ask yourself...

Is it the country?

Is it the culture? Is it the lifestyle? Is it the glamour? OR

is it him that you love?



Rule #8: How I wish money is made out of toilet paper.

Lay the family finances out on the table and plan out your budget for at least your first couple of years together. Yes money is always a part of your love life. Why? I have got no idea seriously (That's life I would say lol)..



Rule #9: Don't underestimate the importance of keeping good relations with your partner's parents

Usually, Western cultures have developed a great deal of independence from their families. We hardly notice, and sometimes don't even care, what our parents think of our choice in partners. However, in Malaysia. , there is still a great deal of synergy between parent and offspring, even well after they have left the nest and formed families of their own. But please please please do not let them take over your relationship or cause any hardship to your relationship.



Rule #10: Be ready to help your partner through the inevitable rough spots. Life is not always a dance of roses.

Just remember that you both will be setting out on an adventure -- a full-time first-hand learning experience in the other person's cultural labyrinth. None of us, I am convinced, ever really appreciates how many things we learn about life when we are young and that we take for granted every day. We consider many of these things just plain 'common sense' but they're only common if you and your partner have common backgrounds. Expect the unexpected. Then you won't be disappointed.